Monday, April 26, 2010

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Part 8

Previously: Anjali was on speed, and Rohan sped along.

We're in a massive ballroom, festooned with evergreen garlands and Christmas lights, with a gigantic chandelier (I wonder if Shweta added it to the list) in the center. Party guests mill around while Rani sashays to the front and center of a stage. Naina starts singing a breathy version of "Happy Birthday to You," and while it doesn't include any Monroe-esque posturing, it's still a little sexy for my tastes. She slowly walks forward to Yash, who's deep in conversation with that same man he embraced at Diwali. Naina counters this by raising her voice, "Happy BIRT'DAY, HAPPY BIRT'DAY," which is one more way we know Rani's not really singing it, because she never drops her th's unless it's in character. She wraps it up with a sassy little "do do do do do do;" Yash thanks her and gives her a hug.

Rahul, of course, can't let Naina be the center of attention for more than 20 seconds, so starts tapping on a champagne glass and saying excuse me. "Before I raise this toast to Papa," he begins, "I want to say something to all of you." He goes on by telling how he had a dream since he was a child to be like his Papa. Yes, don't all little boys want to grow up to be misogynistic tyrants wearing a thin cloak of beneficence? He wanted to do everything exactly like Yash, right down to the way he stands. I think he should also emulate Yash's traditional clothes, because, man, who wears a rock star jacket with leather trim--zipped all the way to the neck--to an evening birthday party? No one but Manish Malhotra and Karan Johar's dress-up doll, that's who.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Part 7

Last time: Rahul strung Tina along, but only till he caught Anjali dancing.

Back at the convertible, Rohan is still waving his hand in front of his nose, which is wrinkled in disgust, and remarking on how "down-market" his surroundings are. Because it's always good to let everyone around you know that you think their neighborhood stinks! "Where's bhaiyya gone?" he wonders, and sets off to find out. Behind him, the same well-dressed little boys who were holding Pooja's hand mirror for her in the candy shop gather and place their arms akimbo, glaring at the red-hoodied intruder.

In the sweetmeats shop, Anjali's making faces and waving her hands over an invisible something or other, which reminds me of how Kajol talked about how she didn't know how to crack an egg in Fanaa and they had to get a hand double, of all things, when her character cooked. I learned how to crack an egg in 30 seconds when I was about ten years old, so I don't know what to think of her now, except that maybe they tried to let her make candy for this scene and her looks of disgust are actually springing from real-life disasters. Behind her, Rahul sidles through the door, making vague noises, and she yells over her shoulder, "The shop's closed for now. It'll open only at 10!"

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, part 6

Previously: Rahul made a rash promise, and Anjali was very loud.

In Naina's convertible, Rahul clasps his hands before him and says, "Main hoon na?" Naina's not having any of it: "Oh shut up Rahul. You behaved very badly today." She keeps scolding him over his insincere apology. "You didn't eat, dance, or even talk to anyone at the party tonight." I agree with Naina; it's one thing to get bored when a party's lame, it's quite another to bring the lame in with you. However, she ruins her good work by blatantly fishing for a compliment. "You didn't even tell me how beautiful I look tonight."

Rahul's already got the door open, but he turns to point his finger at her. "Um, you look very beautiful, Naina." The pleased smile dawns. "Really? How sweet." Sap. He nods. "I'm sweet... and I'm a good liar." Yeah, you know what's funny? When you kind of get a girl to think you like her, and you're not that into her, but you're just leading her on because your families are friends and no one better's caught your fancy yet. Even funnier is to make sure you keep any confidence on her part from growing by telling her she's not all that pretty, either. Just in case, you know, she started to think about moving on.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Part 5

Previously: Rahul was a dick on multiple fronts.

New scene: Yash disembarks from a helicopter, thanks the pilot, and says to his assistant who's waiting on the tarmac: "Cancel my appointments and set one up for my son at 10:00." The assistant agrees. Yash turns to look at the chopper, and just to rub in the fact that he's rich, muses, "Nice machine. Got to get a couple more of these things." His assistant forces a smile and thinks about his Eeco car payment and school fees for three kids.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Part 4

Last Time: THE BIGGEST DIWALI EVER.

Outside the Raichand mansion, Rani and Rahul are running in exercise gear. Rani is in the lead with Rahul perving, "Come here, come here!" Winded from their 5-second sprint in front of the cameras, the two start ambling side-by-side. "Oh, God, it's so good I've come home," says Rahul, stretching. "Yes it is," replies Rani, with way too much fervor, which she quickly tries to cover up by changing the tone. Unfortunately, she immediately careens into the worst possible topic for a girl who's trying (poorly) to play it cool: "Eh Rahul, while you were gone I sent you letters, e-mails, faxes... And I never got one reply. Very rude."

"MBA's a tough job, Naina," Rahul sidesteps, indulging in some guyspeak for "I don't care for communiques scented with Desperate."

Monday, November 23, 2009

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Part 3

Previously: Rohan found out his absentee brother Rahul was adopted.

Huge-ass house that looks like it's in England, but what do I know? Title card: Raichand House, Diwali, 10 Years Ago. So I guess it's in India.

Inside the house: a woman dumps flower petals at three gods' feet. Camera zoom in on Yash as he hears the woman singing worship in another room and turns, probably because he thinks it's for him. The same woman's hand draws a swastika on a thaali in the middle of a rose-petal bed. Somewhere, the lone Neo-Nazi who accidentally made it past the credits suffers a head explosion.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham Part 2

Previously: Rohan won a cricket match.

Flash to a massive, massive house that most people could fit their entire extended family into, plus some livestock. There's a bunch of people sitting in rows in a fashion that usually means "church" to me. A couple of women are singing a hymn. Into a microphone. They have a home church! Or would you call it a home temple? There are guys in the congregation but apparently none of them know how to sing.

Two old ladies are sitting on a massive cushion in front of the congregants, swaying back and forth, enjoying being worshipped. Oh, wait, maybe the song's for the gods way way behind them in that enclave thingy. The older old lady peeks at a picture in her scripture book. What's with this display of piety? Is it supposed to let us know without really showing it that they're good people? Lazy storytelling, Karan. The younger old lady elbow-bumps the older old lady. Yeah, no having fun looking at pictures during worship, Old Old Lady, didn't you know it's supposed to be boring? We get to see the picture too: it's SRK and the chubby kid again.

NO, REALLY.

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